Fell asleep in math today...

...and I plan on sleeping through most of the rest of the day.

I'm just about done with memorizing my lines for the final project... (Macbeth sucks...) Anyway, I'm witch 1 and I have the most lines to memorize... TWO WHOLE MONOLOGUES!!!!

I couldn't get to a computer during study hall because a bunch of kids were playing games on them, which is against the rules, but they didn't get caught... oh, well. Anyway, I worked on my lines. I now have the second monologue memorized...

Alright, that leads to something that has been bugging me quite a bit. When I was younger, I never got much in the way of praise because nothing is good enough for my mother, still that way today. However, after all this shit with shrinks and meds, you'd think she'd care a bit more... Not my mom. I wanted to ask her if she'd listen to the lines I had memorized, but I just couldn't... because I was afraid that it wouldn't be good enough. My therapist has been telling me that there is more to life than grades and that my mother needs to understand that... well, she doesn't. And no matter how many times I yell at her for treating me like a walking failure, no matter how many times I beg her to seperate my grades from my person... it just doesn't matter.

"As long as your living under my roof, you have no rights and things are done my way!"

-Mother Dearest

Ach! When my brother and I forgot to clean the bathroom (which we eventually did do) my mother went storming through the house yelling about how she's the only person who does anything in our house. Then, as she walked by the stairs, she mumbled: "Its like you think you get good grades or something..." I used to get good grades. She behaves the same way. We get the same treatment. She just finds other reasons to make our lives a living hell (my brother and I and sometimes my father). There is no way out of it and I don't plan on working so hard over it anymore. My therapist also told me that I have to work for myself so I can get the grades I need to get into college. But its so hard to change my thought process: Everything is about Mom.

I don't remember what we were talking about, but I said something about being tire of being a light in the darkness of our school district.

"Light? What do you mean? Its been awile since you've been a light in school..."

"That's not what I meant! I was talking about how I am a social light in school. Theres more to life and school than grades."

Needless to say she wasn't too happy. Okay, I may not be the most popular person in school, but there are people who look up to me (I'm still not too sure as to why). Keeping track of them, helping them, advising them... believe it or not it is a burden. She just doesn't get it that there's more than grades in life and it just pisses me off.